I have been trying to reconcile my decision to not have interaction with my son. This also means that I will not see my grandsons. That is the hardest part. I find my self talking myself into asking to see my grandsons but I know my son will use that as a way of punishing me He will tell me know and that if i don't leave him alone he will disappear, move, live in his car, etc. Last night it felt like my brain was a junga ball and pieces that have not fit together for ever were trying to fit together. I could see this happening in my minds eye. I didn't feel right or safe but it also didn't feel bad. Just scary. Today I have therapy and I will go. Last week I was toooooo angry to go so I asked for a phone interview. All I didn't was yell and curse. Part of me feels free of the responsibility of my son and his manipulations. And a great part of me thinks I may move out of state when my lease is up here. I just need to be sure that I am not trying to disappear That I am just trying to unload responsibility I have taken on for decades. I want to help me and enjoy life. I am not the keeper of my 33 year old son. Hopefully he see a therapist and takes meds and is able to find that life in the real world is good for him and his children