This is something I'm dealing with for years- and it seems unsuccessful I'm 31,female without a partner, been like that for years, looking for a job for 2 years (having a degree in Education), without real friends (have one friend living in Australia, I'm in Europe), living in town where 95% are people age 60+ and where people normally find a partner in high school and stick to them cuz they know they won't have much chance after. And as that is not enough, I have so strong feelings of guilt. Feeling that I'm simple a failure who can't find a partner, a job, friends. I have some acquaintances and we just say hi when we meet on the street and walk away, they are all in a hurry. I am not shy, I can start a conversation with strangers, but mostly they are shallow talks, chit chats. I just don't know how to make deeper bonds with people.
I was always more introvert, never did clubbing, that doesn't interest me. My one and only hobby is learning foreign languages. They don't have any courses in my area for me to join and meet some new people like that.

I guess my depression started in 2004. That is the year when everything went downhill for me. I was engaged back then, he left me for another woman and ever since then I'm only attracting men who want an affair or having issues with themselves so I can't help them so they dump me for another woman. I just don't know how to attract the right one, who is respectful, loving and caring. Other thing that happen in 2004 was that I wasn't accepted in college I wanted to. I wanted to study languages. Instead I studied Education. Not bad but the job offers are zero. I live in a country with 2 million inhabitants and jobs are mostly given by family ties. I have no relatives here (only my parents). My mom also lost her job in 2004, got diagnosed with RA, the situation was really bad. My dad never really cared too much, he is alcoholic who denies he has a problem his whole life. And my mom is really the most loving and caring person.

So I finished college by the age of 25, have 2 years of work experiences and that is about it. I just want to work, be useful, have that feeling that I am capable of living alone, by myself, without any financial help. As far as looking for a partner, I am looking for him online. Was dating someone for 3 months last year, no sex, just dating and talking. He was starting to be rude and disrespectful and was flirting with a woman with whom he was in a relationship with just to make me jealous so I would fight for him- I left him cuz I think I deserve better. But to tell the truth, I am sick of always looking, searching. Im fed up sometimes. Have no will. And years go by so fast it's scaring. I want to start living, have a life, be happy. I just don't know how, I just want to have something I can hold on to and now everything seems so hopeless, it is like I am tied and can't move.