The OP is waaay too much in his head. Get a grip. There are people with real problems with real serious barriers. You just want to use a woman but want to find a way to make it excusable to yourself and others. The only reason you don't want to keep using professionals is because of personal paranoia? Give me a break. Try walking for one day in my friend or my shoes where we're in our 30s single with kids and practically zero chance of ever finding an ounce of love or fulfilment in a romantic relationship. We can only get old married men! This is pretentious drivel and I'm sick of people supporting these Peter Pans.