Quote:
Originally Posted by Desolatex
So, I was raped [Trigger] and I think about what happened not the specifics but emotions idk how to explain it. It wasn't until recently when I realized something that basically turned all my thoughts upside down. I realized that my first sexual experience was when I was raped [trigger] the last person I kissed (the second person I have ever kissed in my life) was the guy that raped me [trigger]. I think about it and realize these things trying to figure out how to get him off of my lips and off of my body, when I take a shower I viciously scrub my body not wanting him to be there. I just cant believe my first sexual experience was when I was raped [trigger]. I keep thinking about it because I cant stop I want those thoughts to go away and I just cry thinking about it. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Hi Desolatex,
It doesn't surprise me if all you can focus on now are the emotions surrounding what happened to you. From what I've learned over the years as a rape and abuse survivor myself, this is pretty typical.
But I couldn't tell from your post if this is a recent event that happened to you, or if you are recovering memories from a past event(s).
In either case, the first step is acknowledging what happened to yourself. (That can take victims years to do, too.) And you are doing this, and I know how difficult it is.
(Oh, and once, to deal with the
dirtiness many of us feel, I soaked in a tub so long, and so often my toenails came off. :S )
You are being very strong.
--Ceara1010