Hi Cavegirl,

This all shows how I can be different from one day to the other, and even forget things I said. I can't remember saying those things to you, but I just need to browse through my posts to find those words, so I know they're real.

You're right, my bf has given me proof he's not going to leave me (or at least, not in the near future), but I'm so scared all the same.

Last week I remembered vividly how I was sexually abused 14 years ago (that's a long time ago!), and I was so detached and indifferent while telling it to my bf that he got awfully scared. I even have a very hard time considering it abuse, since I wasn't threatened at gunpoint or anything similar. But my bf says it was so clearly abuse, since I said "no" to the man.

My bf also says I overreact big time to relatively small things, especially sexual things that happen between us, and I can't remember a single thing about it. We've ended up with him telling me what happened and me taking notes so I can talk about it with my new t. He was so distressed, and it's very weird to me because he's normally so steady and strong.

I can't wait for next Monday when my therapy is going to start.

You're right, I am very motivated, more so as I travel 5 hours roundtrip to see my t. I hope I can get through this.

Thanks so much