(((MOUSE))). I am sorry that you are struggling with your past. I do understand what you are saying by repeating the same mistakes, as in the past, but you are in a safer place now to make the correct decisions and not let the past play a part in your future that would make your future unsafe. Fortunately there are many people that love and respect you at this time in a safe manner to allow you to escape even temporarily from the dysfunction that you went through when you were younger. The pain may still be there from the past, but you can have some moments of happiness in knowing you have many friends and acquaintences that cherish you no matter what happened in your past, because you are a kind and rewarding person. Sometimes it is just about seeing that what you get in a safe manner is what you deserve, and that love and respect is a give and take proposition and that the past can not keep other people from feeling that you are a deserving, kind and considerate person and giving you the freedom to express yourself in a safe and positive and assured manner. You have many friends that understand and are willing to help you when needed and that is something the past can not stop or damage. I hope things get better for you soon (((MOUSE))). Take care and PM anytime. Soidhonia