I wrote three posts last night and erased them. The fourth post I wrote made me cry and it felt good, however when I tried to post it, the sight had logged me out for taking too much time. This is my fifth post. I am a victim of abuse. I can't and could never, stop it or fix or change myself to end it. I was convinced if I was a worthwhile enough person, I could find a way. The abuse is not about me. I am worthwhile, I don't have to earn that right. And there is not a reason or excuse in the world, that someone hurts me. My mom is an alcoholic, I get that and I am sorry for her pain. I don't want her to hurt me any more. Do I take her actions too personally? No I still love her. However her actions impact my life, like shrapnel.