So both my husband, my best friend and my mom want me to apply for disability. All of them believe that I don't have the capacity to work with my bipolar in conjunction with the effects of fibromyalgia and chronic bowel problems. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Part of me gets angry and is like 'WTF, I am not a broken human being, I can and should get a job and work' and another part of me is terrified to leave my house because I don't know how to handle myself and my physical problems seriously limit me.

Up until the past couple of years I worked 50 hour weeks to support my family, I was the only one who had a job so I had to. Working was hell and both of the jobs I held over a 13 year period (I worked at both places for years and years) I ended up getting fired over missing work for medical problems.

I don't know what to do....I feel like I should suck it up and go find a job and just deal with with. But the people closest to me don't think my mind or my body can handle it. It kinda hurts my feelings when they say that. It makes me feel useless. I hate feeling useless. I'm afraid people will look down on me for applying for disability. All of my illnesses are invisible ones, so no one knows I'm sick unless I tell them about my problems....most people just think 'oh you don't look sick' or 'things can't be that bad, you just need to suck it up'. Part of me believes them and they would make me feel like I was taking advantage of the system if I apply for disability. I'm scared to work but I'm also scare of what people would say or think if I apply for disability. Ok...now I'm crying.

Sorry for all the posts tonight....have had a really bad day.