even though I was scared after I made the decsion to attempt it that evening, and even though I had told no one, nor had I actually made the attempt yet, I felt compelled to keep going. I was having second thoughts, but I felt like I had no other choice b/c I had made the decision in my head to try... It was the weirdest feeling... There was hope (that I would die and the pain would end), but there was also fear... And then there was waiting. My method of choice took a while to kick in. Then I remember waking up in the ICU. I was ok and laughing and chatting with the staff until the realization kicked in that I had failed and they saved my life. I was still high from the pills though, so the emotional pain didn't hit again right away.