I called in to a spousal loss support group for the disease my husband had. One woman spoke about her friend who also lost her H, but this friend said she was feeling good, and felt free at last. The woman in the group thought that was awful, that she herself lost the love of her life, and the others on the conference call agreed.

I'm not calling in anymore for sure! I feel like that woman's friend. My T said I feel free because I wasn't happy in my marriage. I'm grieving for what I didn't have. I miss my H but I don't identify with those women in the group. I wonder if people see that I feel good? I feel guilty but I can't pretend that I'm grieving in a way that I'm not. I'm doing things that I felt I couldn't do during my marriage. I know my T would say my feelings are whatever they are, and not to judge them but it's hard. I feel guilty and sad because it shows what a bad wife I was. I thought that group would help, but now I know it's the wrong group for me.