Can you leave? Just pack some bags and get the h*** OUT??? I'm sure you've thought of different options, but you also sound like you are seriously out of balance/frozen in place due to your husband. Do you have a friend who could help you make some decisions about how to GET OUT??? We want what is best for you. 
__________________
...Out of night and alarm
Out of terrible dreams
Reach me your hand!
This is the meaning that we suffered in sleep:
The white peace of the waking.
~Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Song of the Nations"~
Diagnoses: Bipolar 2, OCD, Chronic Worrywart 
Meds: Lithium (reducing), Trileptal, Latuda, Risperdal, Klonopin and Xanax PRN
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