Thanks guys. I drink so often to feel "in control" of symptoms, especially to slow mania. In its own way it works, because I fit in better. I'm zany and extra fun because I'm drinking and not because I'm manic and "out to lunch". Does that make sense? It does until it doesn't and I turn into a monster and people get scared. In depression it makes me feel like I have a personality. When I'm stable I don't drink at all. I have no urge to. I do think it's possible that the drinking makes me cycle faster. Is that a thing?

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