Am sorry you're hurting so much -- perhaps consider taking a break (not the one where she's forced you to take a break for a week every month but your own) to give yourself some space and sort out how you do without the regular triggering pain that therapy with her seems to bring up? You could tell her in advance that you'll come back in say x weeks' time and that way you know that you're not forced to make a final decision right away?

Also, for what it's worth, I wouldn't compare my experience with my T with that of others here except, in so far as to see if something is egregiously wrong with her (which I haven't seen is the case). If therapy is working for you in terms of your real life issues, then great and if not, perhaps time to figure out other options / T's? And, also because as much as I read on here of the truly wonderful Ts, I've also read enough about the really crappy ones -- so, not only is it really a mixed bag but also those for who therapy is just a solid, middle-of-the-road experience (neither great nor terrible but useful to the extent that one keeps going back) are much less likely to say anything because well, by definition, that doesn't bring up much intensity and it's hard to say anything interesting except that one is getting along and that's about it.

Not sure if this is helpful -- I know this sounds really rational / logical but feelings are a whole other matter and there's little reasoning there especially given what you've said about the extent of your attachment to your T.

Either way, hope you get to a better place soon......