This is something I do regularly in therapy. When my therapist asks me a question, my typical "knee jerk" response is to say "I don't know." The truth is, sometimes I do know the answer. But, there are other times that I don't. Thankfully, although I've only been seeing my T for a couple of months, she has become quite adept at knowing whether I am avoiding being uncomfortable or I am truly unsure of how to respond.

Saying "I don't know" is also my default for when she is asking me a pointed question that I don't want to answer. In my case, it often goes like this: T - "Did your dietitian really say that you were allowed to exercise? Me - "I don't know." I should thank my lucky stars that she is as patient with me as she is.

Many times, I will say "I don't know" when the conversation is intense. Most of the time, I am unable to verbalize what I am feeling or have tremendous shame and am afraid to say something out loud. My T usually knows when it's something that I am struggling with and she will gently tell me that she knows that I know and that it is okay for me to share whatever it is with her. I suppose she is good at understanding when to push the matter and when to let it rest. My body language and behavior probably clues her in, as well.

I wish I had sound advice on how to get around the "I don't know" default, but it's something I continue to have difficulty with. I can say that, if you're able, have an honest conversation with your therapist as to what may be holding you back from being honest in that moment. It may not change it, but, if it is a matter of feeling safe, a conversation could bring you one step closer.