thanks

but i really cant go back to a hospital, it will make me worse... because thats what happen last time it seem, i cant really remember though because my memory is just pathetic...
i just know i cured myself so i could go home, i guess i convinced everyone that i was cured.. but it seems like its just been getting worse since i been trying to get help for whatever was wrong anyway... or maybe its always been like this :/

i just know all they did in there was treat me like any other manic bipolar... increasing antipsychotics and adding more and moodstabilizers and blablabla... when the drugs barely help me sleep because my mind is just crazy... the medicine doesnt really make things better it seems.. i dont think it can get better..

[edit... sorry]

i dunno.. it makes me feel strange...
but i wouldn't notice it too much back then before i started trying to figure things out because i was busy trying to just dump cement on everything, capiche?
blackout blackout blackout

but its like i feel it constantly now.. like someone turned the lights on and the cockroaches started scrambling
i soooo broke my brain some how poking it too much... this is a terrible thing :/
it was a nice brain at some point

i dont like being so trapped, i just wanna sit and not do anything...
but there is no way i can just hide anymore, i just really hate being trapped though... why cant they just zap stuff like this out? i dont think i really want to deal with any of it

oh man, another day bites the dust, what did i do today?
did i even eat today?