You really should see a professional. You are having suicidal thoughts. Even though you dont feel like you would act on them THIS IS A HUGE WARNING SIGN! Suicidal tjoughts should NEVER be ignored and hope they will just pass. Please seek help ASAP. Cuz if thgese rhoughts keep rattling around in your brain, they could become actions even if you have no intention. A bad day and suddenly these thoughts can take on a life if their own, that could result in dire conciquences. Gambling with you life is a risk no one should ever take. Please be Safe. When ever these thoughts pop up. Stop what you are doing and find someone you trust to talk to. A therapist would be the best option, but if that is not possible at the moment, please inform a very trusted supportive family member or friend, also don't ever be afriad to call a suicide hotline as well, they are trained to listen and help. Msg me if you ever need to talk. I have been in the mindset you are in now and i understand. You are in my thoughts and prayers.