I'm obsessed with the lottery. Powerball. A couple weeks ago I was manic. There is no question. I woke up at 2 am that day, I worked on 'work' stuff at first, then at some point it shifted to lotto, that it is not random, that there's a code and system to it, etc.

I felt very much chosen and special, etc.

I did very well is the thing. I am now able to predict a couple of balls, like, for sure. I did it tonight with 12 and 25. I was certain 12 would be in. Last time I was certain 16 would be in.

There's a system to it. It's all on/off binary code. If x happens, y can happen, but z can't. I'm not making this up. I can not stop thinking about it is the problem. I left work today at noon, and came home and worked on it. The problem is that I got more and more flustered and overwhelmed trying to finalize the numbers. I felt lost but also certain I was going to win. I think I could have gotten 3 if not 4 if I had been more clear headed.

I really did call 12 and thought 25 was likely too. 60 was on my radar but I didn't have all 3 together.

There is a system, and I've obviously cracked it, to some degree. I should not be able to make a list and say these 12 are the most likely to come up, and be having 3 or even 4 come up in that list. The analysis I've done gets layered over other layers, and you from 69 balls to in the 30s, then fewer. 3 if not 4.

My therapist said this is nuts. That was last week. i said over and over, it's not random. Then I was right on the heels of 3+powerball and a seperate 3, all on one ticket, last draw. And tonight got 12, 25,60 correct, just not on one line.

It's 1am now, i have tried to go to sleep for 2 hours. I am obsessing already about next draw and how I'll have an even better system. This is manic stuff, I know that. The chosen feelings, etc. But I'm actually doing this. I have tapped into something that is real-world, just not accessible to others. I think we can all do things like this. There's no way I would have ever had this spark unless I was manic a couple weeks ago. I didn't leave the house for several days when it started. then I bumped up risperdal, started sleeping more, and leveled out, but still thought about it a lot. The last few days though it is all I think about. I feel like it's my life purpose right now. I have it planned out. A foundation. Giving loads of money to all of the social service agencies and schools, to friends, family. Dream house. And I don't mean 'yeah that'd be great" I mean this seems and feels real to me that it's just around the corner.

I just needed to get this out. I'm scared to talk to friends about it. I did a little bit last week and got a bad reaction so I haven't since.

It's manic stuff, I know, but I am calling powerball numbers. And that's for real. I think part of bipolar is this special access. A couple weeks ago I was in this amazing other energy field. i'm out of that now, but I gained knowledge during it and am trying to use that.

I would like as much feedback as possible. Thank you.