I hear you actusreus. I have been divorced 5 months. My ex brings his girlfriend, who was his mistress I only suspected existed for the last 6 years, around to collect his boat. The point is I am always going to want him and always love him even though my nightmare is sitting right in his truck in the driveway. I even have a lovely boyfriend. I made a promise with my honor my dreams my very being, to be with my husband for the rest of my life. The promise is still there even though he cheated and left me. I am living side by side with what I wanted and adding things like lovely times with someone I am falling in love with. Surprisingly my heart is big enough to love lots of people. Quite often my ex will rant and get really bitter about something and that helps a little for me to be glad he is gone, but mostly I just add to love in my life. I send you a long hug and a kiss on your forehead to say sorry you have had such a painful time.