Thank you for the replies!

Perna, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. I wish you the best in learning to take care of yourself.

I think for me, part of neglecting self care has been my revenge towars my mother who could've made my life easier but didn't choose to.. Somehow, I've felt that by hurting myself I'm getting to hurt her, too. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't deserve this, I deserve to be really, really happy, just like anyone else. I want to let go.