> I made a statement about how I handle something at home and T just made a statement about how he believes these things should be managed and then stated that he was sorry I felt differently...

It can feel quite threatening when we do or say something and someone else says 'you should have done / said this xxx'. Sometimes it can be a matter of me already feeling upset about what I've said / done...

It just doesn't feel very validating. Maybe if he had sympathised with what you had done from your perspective... Then you would have been better placed to hear his point of view.

> I wasn't able to speak up and disagree with him, but he knew, I suppose by my body language that I was not happy.

And then what did he do? Change the subject or something? I think that it would be understandable if you were feeling invalidated, misheard, and hence defensive about then. At least... That is how I would have felt.

> The "shoving" match is about me being able to "take my power" as T calls it. I wind up in that victim place and have a hard time climbing out of it.

I really hate the term 'victim role' because I think it is often misused. Or it is used as a condemnatory judgement. Sometimes it can be used to distance oneself from the person who is supposedly 'acting like a victim'. Nobody likes to feel powerless and nobody likes to feel criticised. It can be hard to speak up especially when one doesn't really know what is going on for oneself and especially when one doesn't really know how to express it.

Instead of 'shoving match' is it more that you withdraw / close up? Misattunement. I'm wondering if that is what it is. I bet your therapist notices, but he might not be sure what has triggered you into feeling defensive. I have a bit of a pattern of this too. When I feel misheard etc. Need more validation than most because I give myself a hell of a hard time already...

> I am working on my abillity to speak up a bit -- it's a big step for me. I know I have a big mouth here, but IRL I clam up a lot, because I feel vulnerable.

Yeah. Me too. You hang in there.