I agree with everything Bill has said Petra. I just wanted to give you some hugs because this sounds both punishing and painful ((((hug))))
I don't want to tell you what to do or how to do it but I wanted to repeat some if the words you used in your original post...bad child, obsessing, feeling pathetic, humiliated, cried too much, stressed, I am not wanted.
I don't see any support here from your t, and it is very hard to hear these words in relation to you and your therapy, it doesn't actually sound very therApuetic. It sounds anti- therApuetic and stress inducing, if this is why you go to therapy then fair play but if it's not please consider what affect this is having in you (hug)

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