I don't just mean this forum I just feel like no one wants me around like they tried one thing and because it didn't work I am a hopeless case who is bothering everyone. And no I don't see any value or worth in myself I am a failure and everything I touch I poison. I am just tired of trying to explain things to these people (psychs) and then them never understanding I don't know what words to use to make them see I feel like my psychologist should have said something but maybe he didn't want to have the conversation with me then or maybe he didn't want me to drive after getting the news cause he know I would do something to hurt myself maybe I don't know I don't know anything because no one will tell me anything apperantly my psychologist sent an email to my mum asking why I had been discharged from the hospital. He told me he doesn't think I am safe at home. I can't say he is wrong on that note but I still feel like I can't even talk to him now like he sat there lying the whole time I was in the session. I feel like I can't hold myself up anymore like everytime I stand something comes and hits me to the ground before I have been able to straighten up. I don't feel like they know how I feel how much it hurts how the thing inside me aches and screams and cries like it is hurt too like someone has repeatedly punched and stabbed me over and over and over again. I can't even cry anymore it hurts too much. I keep shaking and rocking trying to make it stop but it never does. I think everyone just think I am feeling the same bad as always when I don't think I have ever felt worse I don't even know if I should be bothered going to my next appointment.