Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
I agree with everything Bill has said Petra. I just wanted to give you some hugs because this sounds both punishing and painful ((((hug))))
I don't want to tell you what to do or how to do it but I wanted to repeat some if the words you used in your original post...bad child, obsessing, feeling pathetic, humiliated, cried too much, stressed, I am not wanted.
I don't see any support here from your t, and it is very hard to hear these words in relation to you and your therapy, it doesn't actually sound very therApuetic. It sounds anti- therApuetic and stress inducing, if this is why you go to therapy then fair play but if it's not please consider what affect this is having in you (hug)
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I don't think he means to be punishing and a cause of pain, at least not consciously. He still wont see me again until next week, but he did a call with me this morning after I literally pleaded with him. I was confused he wasn't firing me. He keeps sounding like he is, saying he has a job to refer me if I'm not happy.
It's like I cant win, if I open up about my feelings I'm not happy I'm seen as trying to cross boundaries, and I need a new therapist, if I don't talk about my feelings I'm being resistant and need a new therapist. It helped, a lot, just that he talked to me again. After his recent replies I feel like he hates me when he's not in front of me, it is confusing, I need a lot of reassurance. I think I've worn him down, he keeps saying he's told me he cares about me, and he's done all he can. But when I keep asking for reassurance and he's like I already did that part, it doesn't really help, it makes it worse. A part of me is angry, I have almost never pleaded with him to have a session with me, well never... I have so much to say, but I'm not allowed to see him.
I don't think he knows what to do with me. I am trying to tell him what I need but I think it comes off like I am trying to control him and the process. Of course during the phone call he probably suggested another therapist 10 times. I kept telling him how anxiety provoking that was. He said I am treating him like a drug and like I'm a drug addict.