I have surprised myself today by being able to hold onto that feeling. I really felt that you were there today and that what we did was so very powerful. I don't ever want to forget that feeling. When you said what you did about feeling like a mother waving her child off to school when I leave, then waiting for them to come home was just about the nicest thing someone has ever said to me and the feeling I get when you give me a hug, especially because I managed to ask, is a feeling that I have never experienced before in my life. This is what I should have had isn't it? Thank you for being my T and for becoming real to me. I sent you an email tonight and, while I have been checking, I have been holding the badness off with the good feelings from today and I am starting to trust that you will be there, that you will reply, that you have not abandoned me. Those thoughts are there but I am pushing them away for now. I just realised that I didn't text you when I sent it though, which I normally do if I think it s important enough. Maybe because you didn't get a text you didn't check your email tonight. I can hold on tonight I think and look forward to hearing from you tomorrow. Night night T