Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf
My ex usually sees his daughter after school on Wednesday and they go for dinner and he also sees her one day at the weekend.
He rearranged this week and saw her on Monday as said he had a doctor appointment Wednesday so had to swap.
My daughter likes to call him to speak to him most days and she called him Wednesday evening and his phone was off so I suggested speaking to him this morning before school.
When she phoned this morning his phone rang with an international long ringing tone which tell me he went last night instead of Friday as he told me.
I'm so angry he lied to me and her. He said he was going on a stag weekend but I don't know why he couldn't tell me the days he was going so our daughter knew and I know there is nothing I can do i just feel for her as she didn't know why he couldn't speak to her. I just said he was busy
|
well for one thing, he's an ex for the same reasons you're allowing him to continue to anger you. One thing I told someone I know about jobs and people that she conflicts with everytime. I said there will be certain things that happen in the work place that you can expect. everytime. If you change your thinking to know what to expect, accept that it is this way... you can adjust your own behavior to handle it better. how does this apply?
Well you know he lies. You know he does drugs and he, I assume, has been inconsistent with things and deceitful. Knowing this, you can't change him as you already are aware of I'm sure but you can adjust your thinking and behavior by accepting he is this way and from there you deal with how you handle it and how you help your child handle it better.
When you get angry it comes from the idea that you wish he'd change so that it would be easier but truth is, you can't make that happen, you can only control things within you. When you accept and/or assume this is what he is and it likely won't change, the frustration and anger should lessen. I say lessen because it will likely still exist but at a level that is more bearable. Like with my ex, she has always been and always will be a late person. if x o'clock is the time she is supposed to arrive almost invariably she will be there at the very least 30 min after set time. knowing this, I still get angry but it's not nearly as bad as when I was trying so hard to make her be ontime or in my mind wanting that to happen.
So from there you can talk to your daughter and explain that and try to make sure she understands it's how he is and not a reflection of her or her worth. That's all you can do. don't make a huge deal out of it because it only serves to make you both more angry and if you just let it be... you can "sigh" and just go 'yeah, this is how he is...' kind of thing.
I hope this helps.