Willow you are alive. Spirits don't post on the internet. Please listen to your family and doctors, they are not trying to trick you. Please hold on till they find the right medication to help you. I'm on two antipsychotics, Saphris, and Geodon. They work well for me, but I've been on others. I'm stable , and surprisingly happy right now. I know you're alive because I know I'm alive. Give the medication time to work, it might not always make you so sleepy, or they can try a different medication that might work better for you. Please eat, you're alive and your body needs nourishment to stay healthy. You are not going to hell, you are not in purgatory please believe me. My prayers are with you. I wish you the best.