Theres a really good chance I will lose my job... or maybe its wishful thinking... anyway I feel like I am treated ok at work but on the other hand I am treated like crap. I know we're supposed to respect our supervisors, but I just dont. I view them as dumb for the most part.

I told someone that I am looking for a job, and I am pretty sure it will get back to my boss. I think on some level that is why I said something. Well, technically I am trying to move to another department but it wont suit their plans so they will be upset on that level, even if they were planning to get rid of me (which is what I think)

Right now, I cant distinguish between my borderline and reality. I feel like sometimes I do push just to make what I think will happen, happen. I'm a responsible person but in this sense my life is a trainwreck.

Even worse, I have felt this way before and never lost my job. I feel like I am on a downward spiral but somehow I feel like this time I am right. If I didnt have family members that I had to help financially I wouldnt care. I think thats making the feelings even worse. I feel totally trapped and I just want out... but theres no way that I would abandon my family... thats the only thing that keeps me going. The only thing.