Justy- I know just how that feeling is - I told my pdoc and my T on Thursday, if I could just like down here and die I would be the happiest person on earth. I am tired of struggling and depression and anxiety. Both are so wonderfully supportive and it sounds like your docs are also supportive. We keep trying, keep struggling, because, deep, deep down we do care and we do want to live - we just want our lives to be better - to be happy - to be "normal" - to be at peace with ourselves and with the world. If it did not think that was attainable for me I think I would give up - but I do think it is attainable with lots and lots of hard work from me, with the support of my T and my doc, and with my medications. All of us here get really down - that is what this forum is all about - a place to share that space with others who understand - who do not judge us but accept us as we are. Please take good care of yourself - know that your strength in battling this disease is enormous and many would already have given up without the commitment you have to get well. Keep your chin up - you are worth the effort!