I tried four times, once in my late twenties and 3 times in last 3 years (I'm 57). I don't want to live, and don't want to die. Just stuck here in hell on earth. I feel ashamed and embarrassed about my "failures". Kind of depresses me further - thinking that I failed at what should be such a simple task. Intellectually, I know there are things I should try doing to improve my mood - but I feel so hopeless and unmotivated. To do anything feels like I am swimming in molasses, just takes too much effort. God this sucks!