My husband of 5 years has bipolar disorder, ADHD, Severe Depression, is now over 465lbs, severe sleep apnea, etc. Two year ago after constant panic attacks, medication changes, rapid cycling sometimes multiple times a week, because of stress trying to work his 7th job in 5 years we have had to face the reality that he is not capable of working any job. The last one he had a panic attack (we thought it was a heart attack) the day he handed in his notice to leave for medical reasons. The jobs he's had for the past several years have been ones I have found for him through friends or my own work and I have had to constantly be on call 24/7 to talk him down, calm his paranoia or anxiety, etc to the point where I was having to leave my work to see him on his breaks to calm him so he could finish the shift. Even with my constant help and support he still had disagreements with coworkers, fell asleep from side effects of medications, couldn't focus or follow boss instruction, was convinced coworkers were conspiring against him constantly, etc that resulted in constant reprimands and job losses. Basically, he would try to hold it together mentally just to get through a work day with my constant help and then he would break down at home with either panic attacks, anger, be depressed, or sleep constantly. We applied for disability initially and were basically told that yes they agreed he has a disability but since he has an associates degree with computers he should be able to do something even if its not full time??? At this point he has tried every type of job, every shift time, every type of work week, etc tried disclosing and asking for accommodations, and even tried not disclosing his illness and nothing works. For the past year I have had to work two jobs (one full time, one part time) seven days a week to pay for his medical insurance and medical care out of pocket. His medical costs alone total roughly 10 to 13 thousand a year easily. Since he has not worked in the past two years he has not had panic attacks at home, he does two chores per day that I have to remind him about, and takes his medicine. Without any pressures, etc he still cycles constantly but can manage his moods much better and no longer has violent episodes at home. We made the decision to apply for disability and his current psychiatrist is supportive of it. He has been told by multiple psychiatrists that he cycles faster/more frequently than either most or all of their patients they’ve ever had. We really need the stable medical care for him since the private insurance market is constantly changing and he can’t keep going through all these dr and medication changes. Also, I can’t work 75 hours a week forever or my own health will suffer quite frankly. Recently, Disability determination services arranged for a mental and physical evaluation. I took him to the mental evaluation, the dr wouldn’t let me in the room with them for it, the medical one I was able to be in the room to observe and I’m pretty upset about it really…. I realized that my husband has not been telling these doctors all the problems that he has on a daily basis. And in some cases he has been keeping things from doctors because he doesn’t think its their business to know or he doesn’t want to be put in the hospital. I was shocked to hear him tell the doctor that his bipolar is “tolerable” ! I couldn’t correct him or butt in because I didn’t want the doctor to think I was telling my husband what to say but it was really hard to hold my tongue. When I asked my husband why he didn’t tell them about having days where he can’t sleep or has to sleep all the time because of mania or depression, has bone pain from the medicine, can’t remember the proper year or a conversation 15 minutes ago because of Topamax, has constant passive suicidal thoughts, barely manages to get two simple chores done in a 12 hour period even with reminders, etc. can’t stand or sit without pain, can’t have access to money, has trouble even going to the bathroom, blacked out and nearly strangled me on impulse for no reason during the last medication change, has no friends because he can’t maintain any relationships….I could go on and on. Even his family knows that if it weren’t for me the past few years he would either be in jail, in a mental hospital, or have committed suicide. I broke down in tears because I know the personal hell that he goes through with his bipolar and how much of a strain it puts on both of us and yet to that dr yesterday it looked like my husband was just fine. Maybe it was pride, ego, denial, embarrassment, self-sabotage, that made him hide his problems for two hours I don’t know??? He’s in denial himself about how bad it is and tries to hide how bad it is around others than gets upset and has an episode if I try to talk to him about how bad it is and how he needs to be more open with the evaluators even if he is embarrassed. Does anybody have any insight on this or suggestions of how to proceed if he gets denied again? I just don’t know what to do anymore all the struggles for the past several years have been kept private so I don’t have documented proof of most instances. I’m afraid that if we get denied and go to the hearing process then even though me, his parents, and my friends/family can witness and give examples or his problems that when they talk to him he’s just going to say that its not that bad even though it is or he’s going to get angry and have an episode at the hearing. I’m at the point where I’m stuck…part of me wants to just end the marriage to preserve my own health and well being if he’s going to just sabotage any attempt to get help or take some burden off of us/me…but at the same time I need to get his disability approved for him or if I do leave I doubt his parents can handle him anymore and he won’t have any money or ability to work so he won’t have a way to have his meds and he’ll end up on the street, dead, or in a mental ward….I can’t live with the guilt of setting those events in motion.