Quote:
Originally Posted by cacatuidae
Journaling was actually the main way we communicated. Communicating inside the headspace was really... the only way I can describe it is.. clogged up? It was like there was a bunch of stuff in the way and everything became muffled whenever we tried to communicate. We'd basically write back and forth on paper a lot to communicate whenever things were too muffled in the headspace.
Recently actually, I think I saw someone new in the headspace. Like, I got these glimpses in my mind of this person that was like a chameleon. They were becoming basically invisible. Though, I'm starting to think maybe everything is just made up in my head, seems how they almost always only exist whenever I'm thinking about them.
I just don't know anymore. It's driving me crazy because I can't tell what's real or fake. I thought I felt Lily again last night, but in all likelihood it's probably nothing. I'd like to believe that things just quited down on their own, which has happened before with Lily's disappearance for a whole year. I don't know what to believe, though
I feel like I'm just being an insensitive asshole and faking everything. But, I can't even tell if I'm faking it!
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heres a bit of info for you...
here in america dissociation is a ....reaction....to a trigger....something happens to cause a person to feel dissociated.
example when I am stressed out or upset (trigger) I will feel numb, spaced out. foggy...disconnected. sometimes with a .....feeling.... that I am not all here or that the world around me .....feels....different than it really is, I know whats real and what isnt. (with dissociation reality testing remains in tact.)
thats an example of normal dissociation. from there it moves into what america calls the dissociative disorders... in other words the dissociation symptoms become so bad that they are called a disorder.
when a person has the disorder levels of dissociation it affects every aspect of the persons life not just when they are alone, drawing and writing.
here in my location ...Alters with DID and OSDD can not be seen like you would your parents, brothers and sisters. a person can imagine what they would look like but seeing things other people can not see in my location is called hallucinating, delusions, psychosis, psychotic. here you cant play with, hold or otherwise physically touch dissociative type alters. they all share one body. when one has taken control of the body the others can sometimes see what that one in control is doing, but they dont literally see them like you would sitting across the dinner table looking at your parents or friends.
here is an example of what having Dissociative disorder alters look like...
(before my alters all became one with me)
sitting at work, I get stressed out, I feel numb, spaced out and disconnected. the next moment I look around and I find I am at home eating dinner with my wife. I get to work and find my work that I was doing the day before was done.
at a relatives house adult dinner party. it begins to thunder. I start feeling numb spaced out and like everything is far away from me(disconnected) then I am seeing things from far away as I hear a voice (my alter Rainy) saying lets go home, I want to watch little mermaid with my blanket wanna come.(I dont see rainy because its all one body)
you said your doctors have diagnosed you with PTSD and you are on anti psychotic medication. the anti psychotic meds makes these others of your's go away. here in my location that would tell a treatment provider that this is not DID,OSDD or any dissociative type alter because there is no medication to make dissociative alters go away.
my suggestion is to just continue going according to what your own treatment providers are treating you for. since the psychosis medication is working you can probably (just a guess here ) rest assured you dont have a dissociative disorder. that what ever dissociative problems you do have is being taken care of.