Short version of my crazy life, I have been married 17 1/2 years. 3 years ago my husband cheated on me with a someone he tried to get me to be friends with while on a family vacation. He informed me of the affair after they came to our house to visit and bought the empty lot down the street to build a house. He told me while they were at our house and he and I were having sex. What I should have done was punched the lady and kick them out, but I didn't want to destroy her family. I never did put myself first. Trying to maintain a friendship. Mistake #1. I didn't confide in anyone for 6 months, then I told a friend. 6 months after the affair I called an ex boyfriend. We developed a relationship, and started an affair. I continued my affair till we got caught by his wife, which was over a year. I know what I did was terrible and I truly don't think he can forgive me even though he says he can. His actions say otherwise.

My husband forgave me, and I think only because I forgave him years before. Well sine my affair my husband has treated me very poorly on many occasions. If I refuse to discuss something, (usually stuff we have already talked to death 100 times) He will hold me down and yell at me, even to go as far as punch the ground next to my face. A week after Valentines, he mentioned the name of the guy I had affair with while we were having sex, I got upset and went to sleep in my kids room. He got mad because he wanted to talk about it, I told him I would talk to him in the morning. He left the house, took all the money we had, threaten suicide and said I would never see hime again. At least once a month he is asking if I want to leave or if I want him to leave. The day that finally broke me was mothers day. He wanted to go for a walk, I though it sounded nice. He wanted to discuss our relation ship I didn't cause I didn't want to fight on Mothers day. Well we did more than fight, he grabbed my arm and got in my face because I refused to talk about it. He told me to quit playing the victim which really hurt. I'm not playing the victim I just didn't wan't to fight on Mothers Day. His exact words were "fine don't fight but when we get home you need to pack a bag and get out and don't ever expect to see the kids again" I told him I'm not leaving he needs to, I was informed I don't pay the bills and my name is not on the house, its all his and I need to get out. We continued our walk and by the end there was no talking. I'm not sure who talked first after that but I can't get over it. I have NEVER threaten to leave, or take the kids.

As for friends, any time I spend time with friends he makes me feel guilty about it. I have a hard time keeping friends because I never can do anything with them without him texting me all the time.

I am so sick of it all. He knows I'm on the verge of leaving and is constantly following me around apologizing and I feel bad for him but I have no affection left for him at this point. No butterflies. I just feel pity. He was gone last week on a work trip. Best week in over 6 months, I felt like I could breath. Can this be fixed?