When my head use to get that messed up I'd throw a psychological hand grenade in and start over. Maybe you could do the same with your house/life; find homes for your animals (or ask the SPCA for help) and a counselor/help for your son then move to a new, small place alone and start again away from the vermin and some of the unintentional problems. I would think would especially be effective if the house is where your bf died. Get to somewhere that doesn't have as much baggage/"ghosts" and is smaller so upkeep won't take as much effort.