Hi Greg

thinking about "what is mental illness"? I don't really have a great definition but I DO KNOW that it hurts......a lot. I don't like asking for help but perhaps it would be a good idea. my mind tells me, "what can those people (therapists, etc.) know that I don't know?" Good question. Probably nothing. How can a stranger know more about how my mind functions than I do? How do you trust someone with so much? The whole thing just pisses me off.

Well I'd say it depends on who you share with as to what you might get back:
Some people might be able to share some real good insight with the advantage of seeing things "from the outside"/subjectively..........
Some people might be able to give/teach you new tools/exercises which could help at times..........
Some people might have the benefit of/knowledge from lots of research telling them what might/might not work.............
Some people might have seen personally, from experience, what might help people feeling the way you do...................
Some people might be able to throw various different suggestions your way, for you to choose "what fits"...............
Some people aren't going to declare that they know anything, but can support/guide you in finding "answers" within yourself towards a better future...........
Some people may give you that supported/safe place to really delve into and confront some of those "tough" thoughts/feelings.............
Some people might give you empathy..........understanding...........encouragement............motivation...........whatever you need at that moment to help you towards a "better place".............
Kind of like the different input you can get from different people on here actually ...........
But often it'll ultimately be about empowering you to move forward, or making the darker times less so...............

And how to trust...........well that should be at your pace...........and they should work at actually earning that trust

But, the not wanting to ask for help.............like a lot of people I'm guessing you'd feel that would say about you that you were vulnerable, weak, powerless, less in control, couldn't cope...........??
But personally I'd say it can indicate the exact reverse if you choose to do it............it can take/show a lot of strength to ask for help, it can be a sign you're trying to take more control of what's going on for you, it can be about you "fighting back" against the "demons"...........
So, NEVER any shame in asking for help, I'd in fact say it was admirable
So, if nothing else right now, keep on talking on here, hey??

Alison