I understand what I should do (laundry, dishes, bathe, dust, organize, etc) but I just can't. I plainly don't want to get up to do that. Am I just lazy or perpetually(sp) depressed. I've been on meds and off meds. I self medicate with alcohol (the fashionable term) and smoke like crazy. I pop on the computer (which turns into a hour or more ordeal) to quickly look at my e-mail or myspace knowing, almost feeling the weight of, everthing I 'should' be doing. I want to do them but what's the point. It doesn't seem that my children have any concern for keeping things clean and no one is coming over to visit. I should do it for myself, I would feel better. Why don't I want to take care of myself?

*sigh* I'm sucked into my own, self-made, blackhole. Why am I waiting for someone to save me because, obviously, there isn't anyone there. . .

Just my thoughts, I wanted to get them out so I could see them.