Hello everyone,

I am new here, this is my first post and I am dealing with romantic feelings towards my therapist as well. My situation is rather complex, difficult and different from the standard scenario. I just find myself struggling so bad and so hard with this. I guess I am writing here because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this. I have spoken about it with my T and they are well aware of my feelings towards them and we have even delved in a bit but we both seem to skate around it? It's a negative pattern we both seem to fall into... we talk about it a little bit and then both look the other way and it slips into the background for a while and I silently suffer. I don't honestly expect that discussing it would be much help anyway but I do feel so unsure of things and wish I had some answers.

My transference is a classic, romantic type. Like a sweet, crush. But agonizing because it feels SO overwhelmingly powerful. Also because I swear up and down that they are flirting with me, sending signals and genuinely like me but apparently I'm delusional and imagining it all. Despite what appears to be continued signs, to this day. I guess I'm just crazy or wishful thinking or in the words of my other therapist "seeing what I want to see" - All of which is entirely possible but I feel inundated with sign after sign and obviously I'm reading them incorrectly and my therapist isn't meaning them that way but it's infuriating to think that this is apparently all in my head. Not that he said any of them. He has been very gentle and sweet about the whole thing. But my secondary therapist, who is a female, thinks I'm insane and reading into it what I want to...

He has not told me that he doesn't "like me" that way, nor that he does... he has pretty much left it at a single statement, where he said - "At the beginning of all my work with female patients, I make a pact with myself, not to see them in "that" way." - And that was all I got on his feelings towards me. I feel like I am being given very mixed signals though. Part me of wants to spill my heart out and tell you all the things he says or does and ask for opinions and advice but another part of me feels a deep need to protect him? Not that he has done anything that could get him in any type of trouble, because he hasn't. He has been a perfect gentleman. However I have still somehow managed to get the wrong idea in thinking he likes me.

I will post a part II - in a few moments or tomorrow, whenever I am soonest able to. Sorry for venting....

CriesAndGoodbyes