Hey Alex, Sunny,

I feel like we've gotten a little off track here. This was not a big argument by any stretch of imagination. It was good natured. And, T did ask me if it felt like he was pushing me, and I said yes, a little.

He did not use the term victim...I used it here to try and explain the role I was in just at that moment. T did not put me there--I put me there. I dont think I misused the term, and it was not misattunement. I was right there in the conversation with him. I simply could not gather up the necessary guts to state my case. I think he knew it. It's something I'm working on.

However, Alex, you are right...he should have validated my position and THEN disagreed. It would have been easier to swallow. They way he did it was rather smug.

What I was kind of wondering aloud in this thread was my own fantasy of (1) being able to state my case simply and clearly without shaky voice and racing heart and (2) I said "shoving match" only to capture the feeling of his initial question about pushing, sort of my fantasy of pushing back. And also, the all or nothing statement I made had to do with my relative inability to validate also. I could have said to him, Yeah I know what you mean but this is how I do it.

I smell another thread.

Hey Sunny, don't you love that T has a fantasy with you in it? MMMMM yeah!!!!