Typing this is very difficult for me, for it means confronting some repressed memories of mine, but I desperately need help.

I'm turning 21 next month. I've always had issues in regards to my gender and sexuality and spent a long time finding myself throughout the course of my life. I'm happily nonbinary and not straight, but it took a while to come to said conclusions. I've since received a professional diagnosis of OCD and a myriad of other things.

To start off, whether or not this is related to the main subject of this post is unclear in my mind, but I feel it is worth noting. When I was very young, a neighbor child of mine did what I'm not sure was sexual assault. He wanted us to play a game, it included me taking my clothes off and getting into bed with him. I don't remember if anything happened, I don't remember how old I was at the time either. All I can clearly remember is the initiation of the game, me complying, and his mother kicking me out of the house afterwards. I was between 5 and 8 years old, that's all I know.

Now, onto the main issue. I'm not sure what it counts as, sexual assault or otherwise, but when I was either 13 or 14 years old I did something awful. My brother (4 years younger) is an awfully heavy sleeper. When our parents were out, I snuck into the room he was sleeping in (wearing only a robe) and touched my penis to his leg. I quickly fled the room, and that was that. I did this once or twice more on separate occasions, wanting to know what it felt like to have that part of my body touched. I felt disgusting afterwards. At one point, I remember kissing him on the mouth as well to see what it felt like.

These events have haunted me for years now. I always told myself I would confess to a priest one day, or something of that nature, believing I am destined to go to hell. Am I a gross person? Am I a filthy child molester? I don't know what to do with myself and the guilt is eating me alive.

Please be honest with me, what should I do?