Hello Ecolson74: I don't really know quite what to suggest here. But I saw that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. From what you wrote, it sounds as though perhaps you've simply had better experiences with women than with men. Perhaps the men in your life have been uncaring... or even abusive? Personally, I've had both good & bad experiences with both. So I don't really have a preference. But many people do, I think. From my perspective, I don't think this is unusual.

I can relate, somewhat, to what you wrote about dreading when your friend is coming back but also dreading her leaving. I carry around a lot of long-term generalized anxiety. And I've become aware particularly recently that I tend to want my circumstances at any given time to stay the same. For example, at night, I don't want to go to bed. But in the morning, I don't want to get up. Even if I'm doing something I don't particularly want to do, once I start doing it, I find it difficult to stop. I presume it has something to do with anxiety, although I don't really know for sure. There is, I think, a certain amount of security in keeping everything the same regardless of what it happens to be.