Hello Lambda_C: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

We here on PsychCentral cannot diagnose you. This is a job for a mental health professional. And I'm afraid I am particularly not able to be of much help to you in figuring out what this is about. Hopefully there may be other members, here on PC, who will be better able to offer some insight with regard to what's going on with you. But, also, check out the various personality disorder forums here on PC. You may find the Threads posted in these forums to be helpful as well:

Personality Place - Forums at Psych Central