My Support Forums - View Single Post

losthawk · 07:19 AM

Incoming rant. I dont even know how to react to what I found out yesterday...

There was this program on TV in UK a few weeks back called ‘The A Word’ I didn’t watch it, but from what I gathered from parents It’s about a kid named joe with autism.

My dad after he watched episode 1 then started joking that I was like Joe with my headphones always on my ears unless I’m asleep (jokes on him I sleep with my ear buds in too) and comparing a lot of what I do to how Joe acts in the show… I kept telling my parents I wasn't autistic however, cause I’m 18 wouldn’t it have been spotted by now?

So I said “fine ill take a test if it gets everyone off my back about it!” (it was getting increasingly irritating after the 3rd time I had “joe. Its joe!” said to me when I’m trying to make my lunch in peace. So I found the autistic test on PC (I know they don’t substitute for a doctor but I was just using it to get them off my back) and it came out with a very high score… oh damn.

Not to mention, that apparently centering my life around marvel comics isnt normal? everything ive liked in life, has been obsessive, i just have always put this down to being passionate and loving to learn about things... apparently im so far from passion on things its creepy...

So they didn’t lay off, but I’ve been looking for a job recently, went to interviews and I then didn’t take them when offered because they sounded really boring to me, I want to do volunteering but cant because I live far away cant afford the petrol without a job. Parents been on my back about a job for months now, but mums layed off since I did the online test, I wasn’t complaining, I wasn’t getting yelled at for not trying to find a job when I was trying very hard (now sent out over 100 emails looking for jobs!)

So when I was younger about 5 or 6 apparently (I'm going off what my sister has been told by parents and what she remembers as i dont remember this part of my life as i blocked it out due to bullying...) my parents got me tested for Autism and the test came back as a "most likely has autism further testing needed to establish where on spectrum".

They got me tested because of my routine, I had to be the one to shut the door, I had to be the last to leave the room, Everyone had to say good bye to me before they left otherwise id think I was being abandoned, got incredibly worked up if things weren’t done in order among other things, all caused my teacher at school (I say teacher I mean more my tutor because I didn’t go to normal lessons I had 1 on 1 tutoring mostly at a public junior school because I couldn’t cope in the classes, I didn’t like anyone in there I would start fights apparently, and I got really restless and when group discussions happened or more than 1 person was trying to answer a question out loud, I got really agitated and would lash out. When I got to Senior school (so high school for Americans) I was in classes with everyone, the 1 on 1 didn’t pass over as it was a new school, it was put down to bullying why I wasn’t in classes with other people in junior school, I was just put in classes that didn’t have anyone from my junior school in them. So I just went through that school thinking I was just in a bad mood permentantly, I got a bit better at people talking aloud but when more than 2 had a discussion out loud I would get really annoyed and id draw or something to try shut them out, once I got my ipod I had my headphones in 1 ear constantly (perks of long hair I could hide the wire easily) and that helped as long as no one noticed (why I liked my exams so much, it was dead silence).

We then moved once I finished that school never started college, probs a good thing as my interests changed extremely from wanting to be a horse trainer (what I was going to do at college was equine management) to now psychology, criminology, and helping everyone is my current interests.
Now I have NEVER been told this? My parents told me a few weeks ago “we didn’t get you tested when you were younger because we didn’t want you growing up with that kind of label” It has really pissed me off that this was hidden from me for 12 or so years. I don’t care about label’s I like to have labels to describe me, The second I realised that my sexual orientation was referred to as lesbian, I was over the moon, I didn’t feel odd anymore I could describe it.

They haven’t come forward and mentioned hiding diagnosis from me, but my friend was here the other week and my dad said “well you have Asperger’s anyway so that explains it” I have no clue how me making pizza at 11am related to that? Me and Aspie has never been mentioned in same sentence by me. But I don’t know how to actually react to finding this out? They told my sister about it before me? The person it concerns, they rang her up and were having a conversation about me and autism the other day, she told my sister that she (my mum) was laying off me getting a job for a bit because of autism??? I’m so confused right now….

I don’t remember ever getting tested, I do remember going to the doctors a few times as a kid for things I don’t remember why I went, where I was asked questions but I never remember what happened at them, I just remember being in that waiting room a lot. And why would they hide this from me anyway? It isn’t a bad thing right?

TLDR: Parents hid autism diagnosis from me! Im pissed. Not sure how to react.