I dont know where to turn anymore. Im a 17 year old who lacks self discipline and confidence. I have ADD, bipolar depression, schizotypal personality disorder and generalized anxiety. I routinely abuse any substance I can get my hands on because Im tired of feeling like such a failure, I know I shouldnt but I cant find any other way to cope. My life was going fine despite my lack of peers up until my junior year when the anxiety became so horrible I felt like I was going to puke anytime I got near other kids. Part of me is afraid of interaction yet I still yearn to be part of "the group". Ever since I was old enough to go to school Ive been laughed at and picked on because Im different and I always thought that I would grow out of it or learn to control my impulsivity, but at the same time Im terrified of change. I just want to feel like myself again instead of this ball of nerves and self doubt.. I was at school one day about 4 or 5 months ago and I started sweating profusely in class, my muscles tensed up, I heard a ringing in my ears and I got a terrible headache. After running out of class I decided to take a walk down to the store for a soda but on the way there I felt this defined break in my thought processes. My life seemed to slow down, and I remember feeling as if I was looking at the world through glass. Like I was stuck inside a fishbowl, a prisoner within my head but at the same time I felt like I was.. everywhere at once. As if my consciousness had been widdled down to a point. I was left feeling like nothing but an animal, incapable of analytic reasoning and emotion. Since then the world has seemed like a different place. Am I completely insane? I feel alone even though my girlfriend loves me and tries her best to make me see the bright side of things. I just want to find someone who can put the pieces of my psyche back together because I dont know who I am anymore.