One of the hardest things for me to admit/talk about with anyone is the feelings of rage I get into when I'm manic ( not the hypo "feel good" mania) I'm always afraid that someone might think I would actually act out on the thoughts that go through my mind. Well, not so much thoughts I guess, more like FEELINGS of somehow ending this anger, and the confusion of not knowing how. It can feel like a stick of dynamite just blew up inside me, laying to waste everything that was good inside. And I can't talk about it! I can't tell anyone how that feels and that I go though this at times. Because I don't want to be thought of as dangerous. The only one I hurt is myself. I get through it by convincing myself that I AM STRONGER THAN MY ILLNESS! I tell myself that over and over again as I fight to keep it contained and struggle to keep it from affecting anyone else but me. And it's a painful experience! Immeasurable suffering. A personal Hell that no one else knows about.