Quote:
Originally Posted by jman197
Well I was free of self harm for about nine months. But today I cut. And I know that this one cut will turn into more. I am still not sure why I cut. But now I have to deal with it. I know I should not try to lie about it, but I am. I just don't see why I should put myself through another hospitalization when I am not suicidal, and I am hardly even depressed. I just don't see it, and I don't want my team to talk at me about it, or changing my meds when they are working better than they ever have.
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Hi jman,
Kudos for the nine months!
You sound very disappointed in yourself for relapsing. I know in some way SI is a choice, but sometimes choosing not to can be overwhelmingly difficult.
When we have developed the habit of using SI as a coping strategy, relapse is understandable and we
need to be gentle with ourselves.
Punishing ourselves seldom helps.
You're wise to acknowledge the risk that you will cut again, the second injury is always extra hard to resist. I know that after 9 months abstinence you have the strength to get up again after this 'fall'.
I agree too that honesty is he best policy. If you show you're taking responsibility for your health and your behaviour then it is much less likely that they will think you need hospital and much more likely that they will listen to what you think might help you.
Maybe writing down what you think and showing them (or even a copy of this post) would help you get your feelings across before they talk at you.
I'm sorry you're struggling in this way. I really, truly hope that you will be heard and you are comfortable with any decision made and that you are part of that decision.
