So I told her about it via email and just got a professional, short reply saying let's discuss this next time. I don't know if I can keep up with therapy though. This isn't healthy for me, I am so attached to her. I keep checking to see if she has emailed me back. I also keep fantasizing about getting lunch with her. I don't think this is healthy. I am just setting myself up for disappointment. I want to stay in contact with her, but doubt this will be allowed. I understand why therapists can't be your friend, but never allowed to email again? I don't see how that helps me. I can't stand the thought of her being ok with that. That basically says she never cared about me. I hate this dynamic where I pay for someone to make me feel like they care about me. I wish I could have predicted this would happen when I signed up. I feel so foolish. I have no idea how this will play out tomorrow. I really hope I don't get the boundaries talk, that hurts my self esteem so very much, I don't think I can take it. I already have major issues with feeling like a creep. I would rather me end therapy myself before she ever ends therapy with me. I want to just tell her that I don't think this is healthy for me and I feel like I am lying to myself in being happy that I have her support. I am so very miserable when sessions end, when I say bye and walk out the door. The weeklong wait for the next session is awful. It is getting me very upset. I should be able to see therapy for what it is, and just focus on my illness, but I just can't get over how cool I think she is, even though I know so little about her. This transference is awful. I hate that I am building such a strong connection, and then having to face that it was never real. Ok, I understand if we can never be friends, I get that. I understand that a therapist can care deeply about you, while still never being your friend. But if I am told that I can never again contact her, then I am forced to conclude that this relationship was never real and that she never actually cared about me, despite how much she seems to like working with me. I just can't wrap my head around it. I wish you the best and truly care about you and will miss you as well but please don't ever contact me again. That to me says I never cared about you, and I don't know how I can be convinced otherwise. She is a phenomenal therapist, but I just don't want to lie to myself...