Quote:
Originally Posted by Talthybius
I don't agree. If it is his money, it is his money. If it is her's, it is her's.
Can't tell what is truly happening here.
I find it strange to say that the partner who has the money is abusing the financially dependent partner by giving or withholding money.
So what he did was take back the money that was stolen from him and lie about it? So should he have admitted it and told his wife he thinks she is a thief.
I also find it hard to believe you don't know if he took it back or not. If $750 euro was taken from your hotel room and he is cheap, he would react completely different than if he had taken it back himself.
Stealing money again and hiding it somewhere else, now that's not going to help either.
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I respect your opinion, but I don't agree with it. He is financially abusive. He even threatened to take me off the joint account if I withdrew money w/o telling him, no matter how little it is. That is NOT normal! If he had such issues with sharing, then him and people like him should never get married. BTW, not that it matters, but the money was in U.S dollars, not Euro.
Also, it he rarely tells me a thing about our finances until it gets to be to big to not do so. For example, I had no idea that he decided to declare bankruptcy back in 2004 until a few DAYS before it happened! It almost seemed like he thought I'd rack up more debt which I would not have done as I was never that irresponsible.
I don't spend that much. I just go out to eat or to the movies once in awhile. I'm lucky if I even get to go out more than once a month. I barely have enough money for groceries, gas, Drs. copayment, and medicine. It's not like I go shopping all the time. I'm fairly responsible.
A spouse shouldn't be left in the dark about what is owed. I had no idea that he owed the IRS as much as he did until he HAD to tell me as I saw the foreclosure notice, so there was NO hiding that from me!
What happened is that I have NO idea if he took it or not as I assumed that it was safe, and he never took money from me before, not even when I took it in the past. So of course it was natural for me to question what happened. It's possible that a maid or a very bold passenger on the plane took my money.
Although what I did was wrong, I didn't have much of a choice. He would've never given me much even if I asked for some cash. We were in a foreign country to where I knew no one that was close by. I needed cash in case he ever decided to leave me stranded there. He came close to it once years ago. He had my passport and plane tickets on him too, so I refuse to take risks now.
It sounds like you've never been in this situation before. Maybe you'd understand why I had to do what I did if you were left in the same situation. It's NOT easy for me to get work. No one is willing to hire me, at least so far because of my past work history, or lack of it. I'll try again, but I'll have a hell of a time getting a job even though I only have two non violent misdemeanors on my record.
That was years ago too. I have everything going against me, my mental health issues, my age, my lack of education and experience, my history, so this won't be easy, but I'll look for a job soon. I'm going back to counseling to to this free place. I hope that I can get into the program. It might be full right now. Hopefully it's not.
What he is doing is called financial abuse. He is TO controlling! How would YOU feel if you were married to someone like this? Do you think that I'm being treated fairly? I'm not FYI. Just saying.
He even goes so far as to NOT pay our insurance bill sometimes as he NEVER goes to the Drs. When this happens, we fight. I make him pay it as we'd have to pay a hefty bill w/o it. Also, he sometimes makes late payments on MY credit cards which in turn not only makes my bad credit worse, but it makes interest accumulate on the cards.
So I'm not completely to blame for things. It's hard to not max out cards when it's already at a low limit. It's not as if I started out with a credit of let's say $10,000 and racked up half that amount in a month.
I barely have enough given to me for basic necessities, so I think that you're being a little to judgemental in your response. Maybe you'd think differently if you were ever to experience what I have.