Hello stressmaster22: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

You know... children experiment with sex even before they understand what it's all about. What you did was simply innocent childhood exploration... nothing more. It is nothing to feel ashamed of... nothing to be haunted by... It's simply your adult mind, which looks back on these incidents through the filter of societal, & perhaps religious, morality that causes you to imagine you may be a "filthy child molester" who is going to hell. You are not... & you won't!

Please stop beating yourself up over this! But, if you simply cannot, then seek the services of a therapist with whom you can work through these emotions. Allowing them to continue to rattle around in your thoughts is simply going to cause you further heartache & desperation. Being here on PsychCentral, & continuing to post about this can help too. But many people find that reaching out for help in real life is the surest path toward healing.

I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace in your life.