here we go again

i think my mom is starting to see things inside of me, the way i feel them, but she is confused too because i am just so confusing

i cant help it... i have tried to hide things for so long is like i dont care anymore...
im just afraid of what happens to me...

think she may really see how bad my memory is... like i cant tell whats going on for the most part... like i know whats going on... but i cant... not me.... but why cant i?
if i am here, i should know...

think she might see how i talk... she doesnt seem too bothered as was at first...
but how do you explain something you dont understand? when someone else wants to understand you as much as you want to understand yourself... just you want to understand so much more because you cant escape it and dont get a break...



im contemplating what to tell the therapist when i see her on the 14th...
im afraid of just saying a bunch of things because i dont want her to treat me like all the rest...
but im afraid of saying too little, because she will end up treating me like all the rest too...

maybe i just go in there and not say anything... tell her give me a pen, i write ... i tell...

im scared