I can see two options I'd consider satisfactory (but most people wouldn't take them).

1) Terminate relationship with damaging parents.

OR...

2) Hard and severe boundaries with damaging parents in which their privileges are severely curtailed and no one calls or comes over without permission (if they do, ignore/do not respond). They must not have control.

Being nice and polite only allows them to take advantage and damage you further, unfortunately. And your husband needs to have your back, not your father's back.

Narcissistic parents see their children more like amenities to be utilized, or maybe furniture, so no, they really don't think about the feelings of said amenities/furniture. You can feel that when you're still and you think about it, can't you? Maybe you don't want to accept it, but trying to pretend otherwise if you have a narcissistic parent will only cause you more pain in the end. You just can't expect him to act like a parent, or even a civilized person.