Quote:
Originally Posted by kamikazebaby
I can see two options I'd consider satisfactory (but most people wouldn't take them).
1) Terminate relationship with damaging parents.
OR...
2) Hard and severe boundaries with damaging parents in which their privileges are severely curtailed and no one calls or comes over without permission (if they do, ignore/do not respond). They must not have control.
Being nice and polite only allows them to take advantage and damage you further, unfortunately. And your husband needs to have your back, not your father's back.
Narcissistic parents see their children more like amenities to be utilized, or maybe furniture, so no, they really don't think about the feelings of said amenities/furniture. You can feel that when you're still and you think about it, can't you? Maybe you don't want to accept it, but trying to pretend otherwise if you have a narcissistic parent will only cause you more pain in the end. You just can't expect him to act like a parent, or even a civilized person.
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Hi, thanks for responding to my long post. I HAVE given them way to MANY chances for years, but each time, they let me down. Talking to them nicely only led to fighting, shouting, or just stupid passive aggressive martyr like behaviour from my critical nag of a mother who always has to be the center of attention.
She's almost as bad as my dad, but more transparent. Even SHE knows that there are limits to what is OK and not OK! Even SHE knows that it's crazy to come over right after people come back from a long trip, especially when sick! Thank God that she was willing to lie for me!
Anyways, I GAVE up on them a LONG time ago! I don't tell them a THING about my personal business that I would NOT want everyone to KNOW about! I'm hesitant to even send my dad vacation pics as once as a teen, he tricked me into going on this horrible 3 week trip into the wilderness, and then he took what I told him and wrote about it in HIS own words, w/o my permission.
It was beyond humiliating especially since he mentioned the fact that I had "Jabba the hut scented shoes" from not showering for a long time, ugh! He even made things worse by using a very dorky looking family pic in the paper. The only thing that made it from being worse was that it was published in a local newspaper far from us. He used a connection that he had at the time to get attention for himself.
I was livid, but it was to late to stop it from being published. He just laughed at me. He made up the Jabba the Hut comment, not me. AND a FEW years ago, he had the nerve to ask me to hold up a copy of the local paper of which he now writes to for fun and attention with me in it.
First of all, I HATE having my pic taken, and I HATE most kinds of attention. So no, hell no to all that I said! I told him that I refuse to do that, and if he dares to write anything behind my back, I'll know it as I can always check for stories on here easily, lol! I told him that it won't be easy to lie about things if he ever pulls that stunt again, lol!
He got mad and he couldn't understand why I'd be upset, but whatever. So I'll show him pics, but NOT send him any as he might use the pics to write another embarrassing story with claiming that they're his. And whatever I tell him will probably be embellished. He is controlling and my mom & sister have issues with him too. He treats us all like property like you stated. We have no right to have our own opinions or feelings. Anything that we think and feel that is different from what he thinks and feels is ALWAYS wrong and stupid.
He's very immature and makes silly noises and fart sounds to mock us and our opinions and laugh, or he'll yell at us and tell us that we're being silly or whatever for not agreeing with him. His temper is pretty bad, and pretty scary too. Once he took the two dogs that they used to have here years ago. I had to yell at him and threaten to let them out of the house if he didn't board them, or at least let them stay outside.
We have cats, and still have cats that they terrorized at the time. So long story short, he reluctantly let them stay outside. He tried to manipulate me by saying, oh, how could you let the poor dogs stay out in the cold, they'll bark and whine too. Uh, you should've thought about that before you let them come here you cheapskate.
He is a professional, but he acts like he was raised by wolves and he has zero class or manners. He has more money than he lets on, but he's very cheap and controlling. My poor mom rarely gets to go out, and she NEVER gets gifts, even on holidays. He even does the food shopping to control her even more and complains about her even spending $20, ugh!
I can't wait until they both die, they're both a pain, and both awful, very critical, weird,, embarrassing, and they both favor my younger sister since she kisses their butt. She needs to since my dad still pays for her Lexus and other bills maybe, But he did admit to paying for her leased Lexus for sure. Even though they live several hours away from us, he tries to come over here once a month, ugh!
I had to nag my husband to death to TELL me when my dad calls, and to always get MY permission before he invites him over! He has done that finally, but it took awhile for him to do so! God, I honestly can't stand them. They are horrible people. And so fake too. Sorry if I sound harsh, but like you said, I'm not a real person to them. You're right about that.
He's a sexist pig, and my mom is a very weak victim who never taught my sister or I anything useful about life. All she did was nag, criticize, compare us to other people, and treat us like her personal therapists. Especially me. My sister had a lot of friends at all times, so she wasn't home often, so I had to put up with my histrionic mom most of the time.
My sister doesn't really care for her either it seems like, but she pretends to care about her so that she'll pay for all of her clothing, gas, and meals when she needs her bad enough for monetary purposes. So sad! She never said, that but it's clear as day that she does. We don't get along because she is disgusting and fake. And nasty. I wish that I had at least one normal person for lack of a better word that I could get along with and relate to!